Minamo Vs Yukari: Battle Royale
by Hwikek
Summary: At Chiyo's summer home the ultimate battle between two young school teachers begins before being rudely inturrupted by a knockout and Osaka.


It had never occurred to anyone that Chiyo's summer house might be insanely boring. The fact that Chiyo hadn't warned them of this fact was also never considered. Not only did they not seem to notice this fact, but they also didn't notice that Chiyo's house contained no pictures of the "Summer Home" in question. Not a coffee table, nor a computer desk in the entire mansion showed how the home looked, or if it even existed. But this evidence was ignored by the fact that it had been fun to go to last summer. Little did they know that this year would be slightly different.

After an uneventful car ride to the summer home a totally gay event happened (please do note I do not hate homosexuals, they deserve to be alive more than both KKK douche bags and Nazis combined). The obnoxious Tomo Takino decided to throw the key that opened the front door. For some reason Chiyo did not bring an extra key. Strangely enough no one recommended kicking the door down, breaking a window, or trying to get into the basement. Perhaps the Japanese are too civilized for their own good. This caused the entire group to spend FOR EVAH! looking for the key in the tall grass. While roughly 90 percent of the group looked for the key, one person decided to just stand there. This asshole was, of course, Yukari.

Finally Nyamo grew frustrated with Yukari's unhelpful demeanor. She was pretty pissed because she had been stooped over looking for the key while Yukari had been napping. After vigorously shaking her "friend's" shoulders, the worthless bum awakened with a start.

"What the Hell?"

"Damn it Yukari!"

"The Hell Nyamo?"

"I hope I get a chance to cut out your spleen!"

"You don't need a spleen to live!"

"I know! If I only cut that out it means I'll have more time to torture you!"

"You and what army? Maybe it's the same army of failed dates that hangs around your neck!"

"You drunken b—! How could you bring up such painful memories?" At this point Nyamo was starting to cry. The tears in her eyes weren't actually faked, believe it or not, but unlike my tears they weren't related to missing a TV show.

Nyamo started sobbing into her hands. The language teacher stared at her "friend" feeling sad, but eventually Yukari fell asleep again. Everyone else continued to look for the lost key. Everyone except for Kagura.

"Hey coach!" Kagura noticed that Nyamo was crying. "Hey coach, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" screamed Nyamo, "nothing is wrong! I mean, I just have hay fever."

Kagura was not convinced but that damn key still needed to be found.

After almost another hour they finally found the key. While Tomo was restrained with what can only be described as "the lifeguard hold", Chiyo ran for the door. Why they chose the slowest runner among them we'll never know. Tomo yelled at her "friends" for keeping her from throwing the key one more time. No one really gave a shit though.

Inside the summer home it was boring. There wasn't even a TV on that had DirecTv or cable. That meant that total nerd pants Yomi couldn't just watch the History Channel while other people did stupid stuff, like the time Osaka had tried to blow up the foundation with fireworks. Even girls couldn't talk to each other for a whole day with out eventually getting bored, and by the time the sun went down everyone was totally listless.

"Aw man," said Kagura, "Sakaki, why did you tell me there was a TV here?"

"I did?"

"Yeah, like five times."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Aw man. I brought my 360 for nothing!"

"Xboxes suck. PS3s are way better," Yukari said.

"What about Wiis?" asked Nyamo.

"Cool people don't play Wii," everyone else said in unison.

"What?" said Nyamo, "Everyone thinks I'm not cool?"

"Um, no," all the children said in unison.

"Yes," said Yukari.

At this point Nyamo couldn't take it anymore. Her fist connected with Yukari's face. The language teacher fell down to the floor unconscious.

"That's what you get for dissing Xbox 360!" yelled Kagura.

"Wow Miss Kurosawa. That's quite a right hook you've got there," Tomo replied.

"Sure is," said Osaka, "why I bet she's practiced it on Miss Yukari tons of times!"

"No doubt about it," said Yomi.

"You know I've always wondered," said Chiyo (I absolutely refuse to add a Chan!) "How did you two meet each other?"

"Well since Yukari's knocked out I think this is the perfect time to explain it," Nyamo said.

After four minutes everyone agreed that the story was a bit dumb.

"Yeah," said Nyamo, "Honestly it still doesn't make sense to me today."

"Oh hey!" yelled the obnoxious Tomo who I unfortunately included, "Shouldn't we see if Yukari's okay?"

"Oh yes," said Chiyo, "I don't want to become a super senior just because she can't teach anymore."

"Yeah!" screamed Tomo, "Let's all vow to never become super seniors. Barely passing…FOREVER!"

All the students did a fist pump of agreement. No one ever wants to be a super senior.

After almost two hours of lying there unconscious Yukari woke up with a start "Oh hey!" she yelled, "We almost forgot something." No one seemed to hear her. "Hello?" said Yukari. There was still no response. "GOD DAMN IT DON'T IGNORE ME!"

"Oh hey!" yelled Tomo, "Yukari's up, and she's really mad too!"

"Isn't she always like that?" asked Kagura.

"…No he can't read 'em my POKAH FACE!" Osaka yelled.

"Isn't it a tad early for Lady Gaga?" asked Nyamo.

"It's never too early for Lady Gaga," Osaka responded, "She's my idol."

"That's like…an insult," Tomo responded.

"That was cold!" Osaka yelped.

"WHY AM I BEING IGNORED?" Yukari screamed.

"Oh yeah," said everyone, "We forgot to check on Yukari!"

"What were you gonna tell us?" Osaka asked.

"I thought this was the episode where we went to the summer festival or whatever it was," Yukari said.

"Yeah it would be," said Osaka, "But then again FanFiction ain't exactly canonical is it?"

"I guess you're right," Yukari responded.

"I just love fried possum!" Osaka blurted out.

"I didn't know possums lived outside of North America," said Nyamo.

"They do if ya import 'em to make stew," said Osaka.

At this point in time everyone decided their lives would be a lot easier if they just didn't listen to a word that came out of Osaka's mouth, _ever again!_

"Ya got's to remember to brush your teeth everyday!" Osaka added.

Well, maybe some of her ideas make sense.

After the whole possum/summer festival incident Nyamo and Yukari sat by themselves.

"Hey Nyamo?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you keep eyeing Kagura?"

"Wha?" Nyamo stuttered.

"Yeah, as well as that one boy, the janitor, Dr. Wasanasong, and sometimes even Kimura?" Yukari questioned.

"I do nothing of the sort!" Nyamo responded.

"Alls I'm saying is that it's creepy, that's all."

"But I don't do that!" said a frustrated Nyamo.

"Okay, then why is your face all red?"

"Well, maybe just a little…." Nyamo was _pretty_ embarrassed right now.

"Okay whatever, just stop doing it before anyone else notices."

"You're not my mom Yukari. In fact, _I'm_ usually the one who has to stop you from doing something stupid!"

"Are you calling me stupid?" asked Yukari.

"Generally!" Nyamo yelled.

"Well f— you then!" screamed Yukari.

Yukari's scream was heard by everyone. And I mean everyone.

"Um, what does that word mean?" Chiyo asked Sakaki.

"Oh," said Sakaki completely unprepared, "Um, are your parents real…'uptight'?"

"Uh, maybe. I don't know what that word means either."

"Oh, okay. Do you know what overprotective means?" Sakaki asked.

"Too protective?"

"Yeah, but that really has nothing to do with what f…I mean the f-word means. I guess you could also call it the f-bomb as well." Sakaki didn't know how to tell an eleven year old this information.

"Oh," said Chiyo.

"You know you could just look it up on Google."

"Okay Ms. Sakaki! You're such a good person!"

"On second thought, try to forget that you ever heard that word."

"Okay," Chiyo said, good naturedly in agreement.

"Well at least I can walk through my apartment!" yelled Nyamo.

"Walking, hopping, tripping. It's all the same really."

"No, it's not," Nyamo responded.

"Just be cool for once," said Yukari, "You're a lot easier to convince when you're drunk."

"I am cool," said Nyamo, "and I'm _never_ drunk."

"You're also single and afraid of dying alone."

Nyamo had once again been pushed past her limit…which is technically impossible. Her fist connected with Yukari's face for the second time that day. It reminded Nyamo of the first time she had met Yukari.

On her first day of high school Minamo had been very nervous. Her family had told her it would be fine, and it almost was. When Nyamo first arrived at the school she ran into another freshman. She had brown hair and smiled at her.

"What's your name?" the girl asked.

"Um, Minamo."

"Hey," the girl said, "a mirror."

Before Nyamo could ask the girl her name she had walked over to a mirror.

"Hey," said the girl, "Come over here!"

Nyamo walked over to said mirror. She looked at it. The girl looked at Nyamo's hair, reaching over she pulled up the two loose strands.

"You look like a boy now!" the girl said smiling.

Nyamo looked into the mirror shocked, she did look like a boy!

"WHAT THE HELL?" Nyamo screamed. Her fist slammed into the girl's face. At that same time the Assistant Principal walked out of one of the classrooms.

"Hey!" the man yelled, "No swearing or fighting in the school! It looks like you're headed for detention."

"What?" said Nyamo.

"You heard me, I ain't gonna say it again."

_Crap_, Nyamo thought, _my parents are gonna kill me!_

The next day Nyamo saw that same girl again.

"Hey," she said, "about yesterday, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones."

"Really?" asked Nyamo.

"Yep," the girl said smiling, "after I sink my fist into your stomach!"

That was the first, well technically second, time that Nyamo had met Yukari. Seeing Yukari on the floor, Nyamo realized that even after like ten years, nothing had changed. But at least now she didn't get detention for hitting Yukari in the face.


End file.
